Hold out your hands and tighten your fists like you’re holding onto something. Imagine your man/woman is standing right in front of you and that you’re holding onto him/her with your clenched fists. You have his/her shirt in your hands. Don’t let go.
What do you imagine it’s like for him/her? What’s he/she thinking, what’s he/she doing? Is he/she squirming, trying to get away?
Does that sound familiar?
Now what does it feel like for you? How does it feel to be grabbing onto his shirt like that? Tension in your stomach?
Now look at your hands. It feels like you’re grabbing on, right, but look at where your knuckles are, the part of your hand that’s closest to him.
You’re really pushing him/her away with your fists!
So you’re both grabbing on and pushing away at the same time.
How does that feel? Are you afraid of what will happen if you let go?
Now let go. Release and relax your hands.
Now turn your hands, effortlessly now, palms up and out.
What does that feel like?
Clench your fists again, hold on again. This is control.
Open your hands, palms up. This is surrender.
Clench them again. This is control, wanting, trying to get, trying to keep, arranging, managing.
Now open them and turn them up and outward. This is receiving, allowing, and being open.
How does it feel?